Saturday, December 10, 2005

A little more info

This is just an add-on to the last post which I did last night.

I’m sorry I didn’t include much about Kari’s progress in the last update.  For the most part, she’s doing about the same.  She still has significant pain, but it is manageable with her pain meds.  She will get her casts off on Monday, have them off for a week, and then have one more final set.  The atmosphere of this hospital is really wearing on her.  So much of the staff is hard to work with.  Kari is tired of being treated like an uneducated child, and is very sensitive when the nursing staff is demeaning.  I read her the last update that I wrote and she told me that she agreed with every word of it.  At the mall yesterday, it was very hard for Kari to be stared at all day and to always feel in the way.  She did a great job driving her new chair though, and got her ears re-pierced, but each of us were sad about how things are going.  I can’t ever remember being with Kari and having both of us feel as sad as we did sitting around here last night.  This morning her nurse came in to turn her and didn’t listen to how Kari wanted to be positioned.  She also reminded us that the cafeteria closes for breakfast at 9:00 three times, even though Kari told her that she didn’t want anything.  Of course, she did a bad job with Kari’s positioning and I had to fix it.  The way she left her was painful to Kari, and her sheets were wrinkled up underneath her, which is bad for her skin.  It seems like every time someone comes in they assume that we don’t know how to do anything and that we can’t read a clock.  I can never trust that someone will do a good job.  When her nurse left, I asked Kari what was wrong, and she just said “I hate it here.”  We are trying to focus on going home so hard.  I know that it is only a bit longer, but when every day you people are treating you with a demeaning attitude and you have to be on guard constantly against inferior care,  2 ½ weeks seems like a long time.  

Aaron.

11 comments:

the fgll said...

So sorry to hear of the sadness and anger you btoh are dealing with. Human emotions. Natural in your situation. (Hey, Aaron, are you finding time at all for vigorous physical excercise as an outlet.... sorry to get preachy here. My mom side kicking in).

A couple of practical things to think about -- there are options available for future care. My mom and brother cannot say enough good things about Casa Colina in Pomona. But that is a decision that you do not need to make now - just don't burn any bridges. You might find them necessary and desireable -even though it might not seem in the realm of possibility right now.

The other is the use of fleece/sheepskin for comfort in perching upon. And the good old waterbed which has saved my brother from bedsores over the years.

Hope you are able to find the right blend of things to keep comfortable and healthy, Kari. I am holding you in my thoughts and prayers for the daily comfort and peace.

Anonymous said...

Aaron,
You are a great advocate for Kari. I can't imagine how anyone makes it through an experience like Kari's without someone like you. You have to be a watchdog - 24/7 - isn't that a crying shame?!?!?!

Why go into the helping professions if you are not interested in helping?? I do not understand. Being in a helping profession and seeing self-serving professionals makes me so angry. The people who need our help, caring and understanding the most are being affected negatively, for NO reason whatsoever. It does not take longer to be nice and helpful than it does not to be. Plus, being nice and helpful makes helpers feel better about themselves and their jobs, doesn't it?? Why can't professionals look at each and every situation as though it was their family member, or worse yet, themselves in this very vulnerable situation?

Take care, Aaron and Kari, and keep your guard up. BUT, keep being nice to everyone at Craig because they have the upper-hand, they are still in control.

I pray for everyone at Craig to see the light, to see how much they affect a family - and to see how much more powerful they would be by affecting everyone positively!!!

My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Laurie Haessly

Anonymous said...

OK
ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME YOU SAID SOMETHING NICE ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED BOTH OF YOU.

Anonymous said...

hey aaron, hang in there man. you can do it--just a little bit longer. i agree with the advice to get some vigorous exercise and don't burn any bridges. very wise. when you get home there are a lot of people who want to transfer their long distance support for you guys to practical, daily help.
the situation at craig reminds me of the classroom and how a few goofball kids can make me think negatively about a whole class. then i will stop and look around and see all the kids who are trying. I switch my attention to them and it makes a world of difference.
you listed a lot of people at craig who have done a great job. i just wanted to encourage you to go to them and thank them before you leave. they will appreciate it!
you are in our thoughts and prayers!

Anonymous said...

What would Jesus do?

Tolerate people because they have they precieved upper hand? "Keep up his guard" because they are "still in control"?
These are manipulative and shallow motivators.

The staff at Craig is human, as we all are...not perfect,even flaud. But they are the ones God has provided to care for you. Kari's very life was spared and she is being rehabilitated at the hands of this staff.

Aaron remember when you wrote that all you wanted was your wife back, first at the time of the accident and later when she went through the "40 days in the wilderness".
Be encouraged with the progress made and thankful to those who have helped you along the way.

It is completely understandable that you both have a bad case of cabin fever. Who wouldn't! This has been a very long hard road. Beyond life at Craig there is another long road that awaits...

Please don't make it harder by tearing down those around you.

The Friendly GLL said...

Hi guys!
I was noticing from the visitors schedule that you have posted that you have not had anyone to see you since November 25th. Is that schedule accurate/up-to-date? If so, maybe it would be helpful to both of you to have a visitor.... would you like a FGLL to come and see you? School is out Friday, I could check airfares and schedules and maybe make it.
ANd, by the way, do you need help getting back here? SOmeone to share the driving? Or drive your van while you both fly? I'd bet that we could rustle up some help for you. Let me know - you know my e-mail" mrsweinstein@fastmail.fm

Kari Morris-Guzman said...

Hello--This is Aaron.

I'd like to reply to a couple of these entries, of course by anonymous people. First, the one that says
"OK ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME YOU SAID SOMETHING NICE ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED BOTH OF YOU."

I'm sorry, I guess I'm not allowed to express myself when I am angry. I guess I should simply focus on the positive things and pretend like the bad things aren't happening. Why are you reading this blog anyways? Are you hoping I'll say something nice about you so that you can feel good about yourself? AND WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULDN'T WRITE!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, STOP READING.

And to the one that ends with "Please don't make it harder by tearing down those around you."

I'm just telling it like it is. This is not a matter of trashing other people to make myself feel better. Of course I am thankful for the good things that have happened, and if you read the last entry, I listed a whole bunch of people that have helped us. But this is the reality of how things have gone for us recently. Are you really concerned that this is making it harder on me, or do you just want your "feel-good" story--if that's what you're looking for, watch the Hallmark channel. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN LIKE. Don't be so ARROGANT to think that this is just "cabin fever." Yes, that is some of it, but that is far from the only thing that has made it like this. Just because the staff at Craig is the staff we have does not mean we should accept inferior care. And please don't remind me of what I wrote--I lived it and don't need you to preach to me.

To both of the people--I'd like to know who you are, so post your name next time.

eaglewings said...

Dear Aaron and Kari,

You two have been in our daily prayers beginning July 17 and will continue there. This has been most difficult for you both. I can only imagine from my long years with my late wife's alzheimer disease. That was long and so very tough but thankfully I had a nursing home staff that loved her, treated her with respect and were so very kind to her. They were so supportive of me and the head of that department was more like a psychologist to me as often I went to her for emotional help and she never let me down.

I truly hurt for you both and pray God will place his arms of love about you both and pour out a great load of his grace to see you through these final days.

We love you both,

Uncle Don and Kathleen

JOHN said...

Aaron:

I can't believe that some people (who do not have the courage to place a name to a comment like that) can actually even think that they could even come close to placing themselves in your shoes.

Of the times that I have been to Denver visiting, I get so stressed and upset after only a few days, but at least I am able to hop on a plane a get away. You can not. I can't even come close to imagine what you are thinking and feeling EACH and EVERY day for the past 5 plus months and never even thinking about walking away from it. So many others would have.

Just know that your TRUE family and friends admire you and Kari both. We do feel - some, but far from all - your pain, anguish, and frustrations that you express through your written words. PLEASE DO NOT STOP WRITING! It's a way of release for you but also a way for those of us who do care to help share the burden a bit...I wish there was a way for us to do more. We just pray a little harder.

Like Cyndi keeps telling you - You're the best thing in the world for her sister! Amen.

We love you!

John

Anonymous said...

Kari and Aaron, I have been reading your blog since the summer and praying for you, even though I don't know you. We basically have a mutual friend of a friend thing. I am so sorry that people have been arrogant enough to even consider lecturing you. Guess they've never read the book of Job, huh? You are walking with Jesus through the hardest thing you guys have ever had to deal with in your young lives and that is all that is expected. Continue to live in grace. Laurie Sigel

Anonymous said...

Aaron.my name is penny I USTO go to church in st.charles I DID your wifes hair one time her first time i do beleave. I WAS IN A HOSPITAL once for 45 days I was 89lbs and I DO understand. you have a right to get mad we cant just cry.yell say what you want we all know how thankfull you are.but you can also be mad. all this that has happend to the two of you its not fair I wish I could take it away for you both. I SEE YOUR LOVE.and that with faith is all the two of you need to make it.ife may never be the same life is life good bad the two of you will love forever.and you that dont want your name out.grow up you walk the walk befor you talk the talk. and that means this and get it good 2 great out going loveing people had ther world turn over on them. take a nail and hamer your finger.did you just yell!did it hurt?now 100 times that hurt pain shock that 2 of Gods children feel each day have a heart. I wish the two of you much LOVE HAPPYNESS AND FAITH. Aaron please tell kari hi and I do pray for you both.much love penny depotter